Poor

So now I'm just scraping by. I had been told I would be making more than twice as much as I actually have been making. Figures. I never make as much as I was supposed to. Even in situations where a certain pay is about guaranteed, I somehow manage to get paid less. This was not really one of those situations, but I did confirm it with the other waiters first before getting my hopes up. Yet alas, there are now too many people working there each night and fewer people coming in to eat than even just a couple weeks before I came. Reminds me of Endless Summer: "You should'a been here yesterday!" My timing is impeccibly bad. I wonder if I started being on time in my regular life if I would start coming into things like jobs and schooling and other miscellaneous things at the right time too.

I've been having fun clipping coupons and watching the grocery store for good deals. It's probably good that I'm so hard pressed for money or I wouldn't have the motivation to learn to save it. For now though, its been enough like some fun competition that I'd probably do it even if I was living some sort of cushy life. Hehe, like looking through the weekly deals while getting a pedicure and sipping champagne with a strawberry. But I don't like champagne, so I guess it is just as well that I'm poor.

I'm having this problem with thinking that I'm overdramatizing my situation. For once, I'm not. But what makes me think that I am is that I keep thinking in terms of borrowing money from my parents. For instance, I might tell my boss that I really can't go home early tonight because I needed tonight's take to go buy groceries (as was the case tonight). But then I think to myself, gosh its not like you are some destitute person like some people in this world, when the actual reality is - I am, but I just happen to have generous parents. If I really needed the money for food, I could get it from them. The change that needs to happen in my mind is, that is only a reasonable thing to ask for if I have exhausted the available options. Pleading with my boss is one of my options and there is nothing wrong or melodramatic about portraying my situation as one of needing that money for my sustenance. The availability of charity does not make the need for the paycheck any less real.

But if charity is available, it can know that I have the most use for Target gift cards and an ironing board.